Ruin A Wish Foundation

[Xaeyon]

Granted! Murder is now the number one reason for marriage dissolution. The paperwork is so much easier and you get plenty of time to yourself with other like-minded people!

I wish distractions were more productive.

[Eques Discipulus]

I wish distractions were more productive.

Granted.  What could be more productive than distractingly posting on the SaberForum while at work?  Discussing lightsaber combat, looking at saber pictures, and helping fellow members choose their next saber is all sorts of productive, of course.

Although, your boss, who isn't cool like you, doesn't think so.  More concerned about your diminished productivity on the job instead of on the forum, your boss permanently sends you home, thus allowing you to be even productive on the forum.  So really, this wish isn't entirely ruined.

I wish I had the cardio capacity I had a couple of years ago.

[Majobu5]

Granted.  What could be more productive than distractingly posting on the SaberForum while at work?  Discussing lightsaber combat, looking at saber pictures, and helping fellow members choose their next saber is all sorts of productive, of course.

Although, your boss, who isn't cool like you, doesn't think so.  More concerned about your diminished productivity on the job instead of on the forum, your boss permanently sends you home, thus allowing you to be even productive on the forum.  So really, this wish isn't entirely ruined.

I wish I had the cardio capacity I had a couple of years ago.

Granted. And for added bonus, your metabolism gets a boost. The boost is so substantial, you begin losing weight, and rapidly. Local news is notified and you soon become famous. They make a sequel to the movie Thinner, with Stephen King writing your life story. All the while, you've become so thin, you lose muscle mass. You get desperate. Start eating junk food like crazy. Your cardiologist advised against, but you feel you have no choice. You therefore have constant diarrhea, and suffer a heart attack. You now reside in the ICU

[Majobu5]

I wish I could go back on this thread, and make a real wish after I ruined one.

[Xaeyon]

Granted! And... ummm... the thread continues...?


I wish this wish would be ruined.

[BurceChuat]

"Granted!", says the magical man in the mobile machine. Instead of saying "I wish this wish would be ruined", your words get twisted into "I wish all puppies died slow, torturous deaths", and is streamed 24/7 on every reflective surface (even places such as the water, or beer tankards). With all 7.4 billion people constantly being barraged with your wish to see their favorite baby animals suffering harrowing cessations, they decide that the only way to end this is with you dead. With one unanimous vote, they shout "GET HIM!" in such a volume that all glass breaks, all the leaves get blown off the trees, and the continents move 3 feet to the right. As you see a ginormous, bloodthirsty crowd coming to execute you, you recoil in fear and horror. But fear not! An equally magical man (this time in a subterranean submersible) saves you, and burrows down to the ground. As you shake the man's hand, you realize something: it's getting awfully hot in here. What the heck? As you stand there perplexed, the man opens the escape hatch and says "I wanted to kill you myself! Ta-taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." As he's ejected back into the aboveground, you only sink further and further into the earth's molten core. The metal coverings of the automaton begin melting and warping, and you feel the flesh melting off your bones. As you shriek in anguish, both you and the robot boat become one with the earth's core, forever powering the earth until its eventual end. The world recovers, your name and family history is erased from all the records, and puppy videos have now surpassed the popularity of cat videos on YouTube. Everything's more or less normal, save the sudden emergence of shadowed, dark-robed figures who claim to worship a mysterious being known only as "Xaeyon, Twirler of Terra".


I wish I had more T-Swizzle paraphernalia.

[Rapine]

Granted, you have it all, but she's found out to be extremely racist and bigoted, and becomes a huge pariah the world over, and now it's not only worthless, but shunned.

I wish the trash would take itself to the curb today.

[Darth Justicar]

Granted!  It does...problem is, it's not YOUR definition of what constitutes trash, and by the time you figure out tons of stuff you care about went out to the curb, it's already been picked up and it's not coming back, ever.

I wish the neighborhood landscapers wouldn't run noisy equipment so early in the morning that it wakes me up before my alarm goes off.

[Force Metal]

Granted - but they run it from when the sun goes down so you don't get to sleep ever.

I wish, i wish, i didn't squish that fish

[Majobu5]

Granted - but they run it from when the sun goes down so you don't get to sleep ever.

I wish, i wish, i didn't squish that fish

Granted. That fish, though, is a poisonous fish. Chopped up and served as a fish stick, it's poison spreads to some young children. The method to cure them, radiation, turns them into superheroes. Now superheroes, alien races come to attack earth. Defeated, the superheroes can't save earth and it explodes.

I wish good, healthy food WASNT so expensive.

[Darth Logos]

Granted. That fish, though, is a poisonous fish. Chopped up and served as a fish stick, it's poison spreads to some young children. The method to cure them, radiation, turns them into superheroes. Now superheroes, alien races come to attack earth. Defeated, the superheroes can't save earth and it explodes.

I wish good, healthy food was so expensive.

ERROR:

Good healthy food is expensive.

[Majobu5]

I wish my truck wasn't such a clunker.

[Darth Logos]

I wish my truck wasn't such a clunker.

Granted. Now your truck makes no noises whatsoever and sits atop four cinder blocks in your front yard.

I wish I had someone to hang out with tonight.

[Darth Justicar]

Granted. Now your truck makes no noises whatsoever and sits atop four cinder blocks in your front yard.

I wish I had someone to hang out with tonight.

Granted.  You have a stalker, just like in Misery.  NOW WRITE YOUR COCKADOODIE NOVEL OR ELSE!!!!!

I wish spicy food didn't give me heartburn.

[Rapine]

Granted.  You have a stalker, just like in Misery.  NOW WRITE YOUR COCKADOODIE NOVEL OR ELSE!!!!!

I wish spicy food didn't give me heartburn.

Granted.  Now all food does.  Waa Waa!

I wish I could make mine look like this:

(stolen from another thread)